As I was saying.

Ok.  Back to my post about the journey towards musical enlightenment.  I had been playing music for a very long time with the idea in mind that I should let my fingers play the notes that came to them, without thinking about what I was playing.  I also thought it unacceptable to pre-meditate an interesting  melody in my head, prior to expressing it sonically for others to hear.  I got this musical paradigm, I think, from some jazz book that said you should practice practice practice, and then forget everything you learned.  My problem, was that for the past 6 or 7 years, I have been forgetting everything I learned, and also conveniently forgetting the practice, practice, practice aspect of this simple musical equation.  Now that I have begun to practice again, I find melodies forming inside my head well before it is time for me to play them, which gives me the chance to actually enjoy what I am playing.  There is a very similar phenomenon, (if you can call it that) in the game of chess, where it is very desirable to be at the very least one to three  moves ahead of your opponent;  in my situation with music, there is a three-way chess game  going on between very ancient foes.  They are as follows:  my old, unpracticed self ( who wants to play an unrehearsed stream of continuousness style), my new, well rehearsed, one step ahead self, and finally,  the actual song that I am playing.  But, as with chess, music, and most everything else in life that really matters,  it's not about who wins, but how you play the game.